Loneliness
Advice, guidance and useful resources about loneliness.
You can feel lonely when you do not have meaningful or rewarding relationships in your life. It can affect anyone but autistic people are more likely to experience loneliness than non-autistic people. Finding ways to engage with others, in a way that works best for you, can help you to feel less lonely.
What is loneliness?
Loneliness is a negative experience that can happen when you do not have fulfilling connections with other people. You might feel isolated or rejected.
Many autistic people enjoy spending time alone and consider it important for their wellbeing. Loneliness is different though. You might feel lonely if you don’t have opportunities to socialise, or find this difficult. You might have friends/colleagues but feel misunderstood, or like you cannot be yourself around them. Many autistic people describe feeling lonely even when they are in company.
Why might I feel lonely?
The reasons will be different for everyone, and might include:
- if you have experienced a bereavement
- if you have experienced a relationship or friendships ending
- a lack of romantic relationships
- retiring, changing jobs or being unemployed
- moving to a new area
- living alone
- having a long-term illness or disability
- having mental health difficulties, such as depression and anxiety
- struggling with sexuality or gender identity.
Research suggests that autistic people are more likely to experience feelings of loneliness compared to non-autistic people. This can be due to a lack of acceptance and understanding by society, making them feel excluded.
Specific barriers to social opportunities include:
- unwelcoming sensory environments (such as noisy pubs or restaurants)
- social anxiety
- fear of rejection
- experiences of bullying
- lack of formal support (in education or as an adult).
How might loneliness affect me?
Loneliness might affect you in many ways, including:
- mental health difficulties such as anxiety, stress, depression, and suicidal thoughts
- having lower self-esteem
- being more vulnerable to abusive relationships or people taking advantage
- feelings of anger, confusion and sadness
- feeling like an outsider, left out and invisible to others
- social withdrawal
- your physical health
- masking to 'fit in' with others.
For some autistic people, the feeling of loneliness can be really strong, and it can feel incredibly isolating. I want you to know that you’re not alone if you are feeling this way.
Advice and support for loneliness
Here is some advice for managing loneliness that you may find helpful:
- Reach out to others, such as family and friends, for support
- Use your interests as a way of making connections, by joining a group in-person or online (unless you prefer to pursue your hobbies alone). Join our online community
- Use social media and online forums or gaming to connect, though be aware of cyberbullying and other online risks
- Consider peer support from a befriender service and local groups for autistic people - shared experiences can really help when connecting with others. You can search for local services on our Autism Services Directory
- Meet with others in an environment that meets your sensory needs
- Spend time with pets or assistance dogs.
Advice for teachers, family and friends
- Create 'buddy systems' in schools
- Make social groups/youth groups more accessible – consider sensory differences and communication
- Invite autistic friends and family to social events, but without any pressure on them to attend
- Allow autistic people to socialise on their own terms.
Societal change, including acceptance of autistic people's differences, and welcoming sensory environments, is needed to reduce social exclusion of autistic people.
Autistic people's experience of loneliness
Read about autistic people's experiences of loneliness in these personal accounts:
- Dr Hannah Belcher (2022): Mental health blog
- James Ward-Sinclair (2022): Mental health blog
- Aspergers from the Inside (2021): How To Deal With Loneliness And Autism (coping strategies and advice for dealing with loneliness)
- James Ward-Sinclair (2020): Autism & Loneliness: How to Overcome Autistic Isolation
- Rosie Wheldon (2021): Autistic life, a life on the outside
- The Aspie World (2020): AUTISM Loneliness: How To Know If YOU Are Lonely
- Carly Jones (2018): Being Autistic, My Loneliness May Not Look Like Yours, But It’s Just As Valid
- Emily Katy (2022): Loneliness
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- Public understanding campaigns
- Autism Services Directory: for services and support
- Branches: offering support, information and social activities for autistic adults, children and their families in their local areas
- Good practice guide: for professionals delivering talking therapies for autistic adults and children
- Community: our online community is a place for autistic people and their families to meet like-minded people and share their experiences.
- The autistic perspective: personal accounts on loneliness and mental health.
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ResearchAuthor: Deckers et al. (2017)
Title: Being on Your Own or Feeling Lonely? Loneliness and Other Social Variables in Youths with Autism Spectrum Disorders
Source: Child Psychiatry and Human Development. Vol. 48, pp. 828-839Author: Quadt et al. (2021)
Title: "I'm trying to reach out, I'm trying to find my people": Loneliness and loneliness distress in autistic adults
Source: Pre-printAuthor: Syu and Lin (2018)
Title: Sensory Overresponsivity, Loneliness, and Anxiety in Taiwanese Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder
Source: Occupational Therapy International. Vol. 2018, pp. 1-7Author: Storch et al. (2012)
Title: Peer Victimization in Youth with Autism Spectrum Disorders and Co-occurring Anxiety: Relations with Psychopathology and Loneliness
Source: Journal of Developmental and Physical Disabilities. Vol. 24, pp. 575-590Author: Schiltz et al. (2021)
Title: The role of loneliness as a mediator between autism features and mental health among autistic young adults
Source: Autism. Vol. 25, pp. 545-555Author: Feldhaus et al. (2015)
Title: Students with Autism Spectrum Disorders and Their Neuro-typical Peers – Differences and Influences of Loneliness, Stress and Self-efficacy on Life Satisfaction
Source: Universal Journal of Educational Research. Vol. 3, pp. 375-381Author: Mazurek et al. (2014)
Title: Loneliness, friendship, and well-being in adults with autism spectrum disorders
Source: Autism: The International Journal of Research and Practice. Vol. 18, pp. 223-232Author: Moseley et al. (2021)
Title: Lifetime and Perceived Stress, Social Support, Loneliness, and Health in Autistic Adults
Source: Health Psychology. Vol. 40, pp. 556-568Author: Zeedyk et al. (2016)
Title: Perceived Social Competence and Loneliness Among Young Children with ASD: Child, Parent and Teacher Reports
Source: Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. Vol. 46, pp. 436-449Author: Han et al. (2019)
Title: Social and nonsocial reward moderate the relation between autism symptoms and loneliness in adults with ASD, depression, and controls
Source: Autism Research. Vol.12, pp. 884-896Author: Kwan et al. (2020)
Title: Effects of Social Isolation and Loneliness in Children with Neurodevelopmental Disabilities: A Scoping Review
Source: Brain Sciences. Vol. 10, pp. 786-818Author: Jackson et al. (2018)
Title: Brief Report: Self-Reported Academic, Social, and Mental Health Experiences of Post-Secondary Students with Autism Spectrum Disorder
Source: Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. Vol. 48, pp. 643-650Author: Hillier et al. (2018)
Title: Supporting university students with autism spectrum disorder
Source: Autism. Vol. 22, pp. 20-28Author: Hickey et al. (2018)
Title: ‘Suddenly the first fifty years of my life made sense’: Experiences of older people with autism
Source: Autism: The International Journal of Research and Practice. Vol. 22, pp. 357-367Author: Hedley et al. (2018)
Title: Risk and protective factors underlying depression and suicidal ideation in Autism Spectrum Disorder
Source: Depression and Anxiety. Vol. 35, pp. 648-657.Author: Bohnert et al. (2016)
Title: More than Leisure: Organized Activity Participation and Socio-Emotional Adjustment Among Adolescents with Autism Spectrum Disorder
Source: Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. Vol. 49, pp. 2637-2652Professional resources
Author: National Assembly for Wales (2021)
Title: How should we tackle loneliness and isolation?
Source: WebpageAuthor: Autism West Midlands (2021)
Title: An introduction to friendships for autistic people
Source: Online resourceAuthor: Middletown Centre for Autism (accessed January 2022)
Title: Friendship skills
Source: WebpageAuthor: Ambitious about Autism (2019a)
Title: Autistic young people create new resource to tackle loneliness amongst their peers
Source: WebpageAuthor: Ambitious about Autism (2019b)
Title: Surviving school with autism
Source: WebpageAuthor: Ambitious about Autism (accessed January 2022) – 2020 at the latest
Title: Online safety
Source: WebpageAuthor: Mind (2019)
Title: Loneliness
Source: WebpageAuthor: Young Minds (accessed January 2022)
Title: Loneliness
Source: WebpageAuthor: NHS (2019)
Title: Feeling lonely
Source: WebpageAuthor: Sense (2017)
Title: “Someone cares if I’m not there” Addressing loneliness in disabled people
Source: ReportAuthor: Campaign to End Loneliness (2019)
Title: Loneliness Research
Source: WebpagePersonal accounts
Author: Lauren Smith (2016)
Title: My Diagnosis by Lauren Smith
Source: BlogAuthor: Alex Lowery (2015)
Title: Autism and social media
Source: BlogAuthor: Liana Eartharcher (2016)
Title: Asperger’s/autism and loneliness
Source: BlogAuthor: Visual Vox (2017)
Title: Expatriating myself. Again
Source: BlogAuthor: Wenna Fullerton (2020)
Title: My autism diagnosis as an adult
Source: BlogAuthor: Eitan Rosa (2019)
Title: Thank You for the Music: On the autistic joy of pursuing special interests
Source: BlogAuthor: Leonardo Yeates (2018)
Title: Isolation & Self-Help After an Autism Diagnosis
Source: BlogAuthor: Sarah Bristol (2019)
Title: Autism and Sexual Vulnerability-One Woman’s Story
Source: BlogAuthor: David Gray-Hammond (2020)
Title: The dark side: Facing up to the things I have done as an autistic addict
Source BlogAuthor: Cherry Blossom Tree Kate (2017)
Title: Facebook Toxicity
Source: BlogAuthor: Musings of an Aspie (2013)
Title: Alone
Source: BlogAuthor: Rosie Wheldon (2021a)
Title: Autistic life, a life on the outside
Source: BlogAuthor: Rosie Wheldon (2021b)
Title: Supporting your autistic loved one’s mental health
Source: BlogAuthor: James Ward-Sinclair (2020)
Title: Autism & Loneliness: How to Overcome Autistic Isolation
Source: BlogAuthor: Steph’s Two Girls (2016)
Title: Can autistic people be sociable?
Source: BlogAuthor: Aspergers from the Inside (2021)
Title: How To Deal With Loneliness And Autism (coping strategies and advice for dealing with loneliness)
Source: YouTubeAuthor: Aspergers from Inside (2017)
Title: Lonely in a crowd
Source: YouTubeAuthor: The Aspie World (2020a)
Title: AUTISM Loneliness: How To Know If YOU Are Lonely
Source: YouTubeAuthor: The Aspie World (2021)
Title: I AM LONELY (Autism Loneliness)
Source: YouTubeAuthor: IndieAndy (2019)
Title: Can Autistic People Feel Lonely
Source: YouTubeAuthor: Kerrie (2017)
Title: Loneliness
Source: InterviewAuthor: Alice Farion (accessed 07/01/2022)
Title: How Drawing Helps Me Express The Loneliness And Alienation I Feel
Source: BlogAuthor: Max Derrat (2021)
Title: Autism and Loneliness (My Most Personal Video Yet)
Source: YouTubeAuthor: Anja Melissa (2017)
Title: Asperger's Girl - Autism and Loneliness
Source: YouTubeAuthor: Joe Jamfrey (2020)
Title: Autism and Loneliness
Source: YouTubeAuthor: Aspie Moomin (2019)
Title: DO AUTISTIC PEOPLE GET LONELY?
Source: YouTubeAuthor: Jamie Knight (2016)
Title: Week 53 - Pacing & Fear of Missing Out
Source: BlogAuthor: Jamie Knight (2014)
Title: Speech
Source: BlogAuthor: Emily Deaton (accessed February 2022)
Title: Autism Loneliness: Why Those On The Spectrum Often Feel Alone
Source: InterviewAuthor: Carly Jones (2018)
Title: Being Autistic, My Loneliness May Not Look Like Yours, But It’s Just As Valid
Source: Lived experience article
Related advice and support
Last reviewed: March 2022
You are not alone
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